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Author Topic: Might have to place my Bichon  (Read 4063 times)
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Coastal Bichon
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Little Toby


« on: May 27, 2016, 06:04:11 PM »

I don't know where to begin...I can't see too well through my tears.....
I have had my boy Coastal Toby for 3 years. We started in Lancaster PA but moved south when Toby was only 6 months old.
He's a pretty good guy, maybe a few bad habits.......He loves my DH best but I understand, I do all the yukky things, he just plays and feeds.

My DH is in the hospital for the second time in a year.  He is very possibly going to end up in a wheelchair if he's lucky.  We have a 28 yo grandson who has always lived with us. He is great with Toby, Toby know when he is anxious and uptight and will lick him on the neck for as long as Jon wants.  He gets irritated with Toby sometimes and I worry he might hurt him, not intending to, he never has.   

I never dreamed when we moved we would ever be in this spot.  I don't know if DH will come home or go to a nursing home.  Toby has terrible separation anxiety and it's hard to make sure someone always home.  I may have to go back to work, just turned 70, YUK!  I can't expect Jon to stay, HE wants to be with me and I am wearing out ready.

DH says if I can find someone who loves Toby as much as he does I should let him.  I don't know how I can or how I can't do it.

Any suggestions would really be appreciated.  I re-homed 3 strays running around our neighborhood and Toby wasn't having any part of them. I was able to place the pups in a good home how I can I re-home my own baby, I cried when those 3 guys left, one at a time.

We had to put down our yellow lab 3 years ago and I still cry when I see his pictures.  It just broke my DH  heart.
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Coastal Bichon
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Little Toby


« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2016, 06:06:48 PM »

I should have added my grandson is autistic.....
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southjerseycraig
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« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2016, 09:31:58 PM »

You have so much going on; I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say you and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers.

If in your shoes, I think I'd try to emphasize finding someone to be with Toby during the day. I understand from your note that your grandson cannot play that role. Is there a neighbor you could trust to come in during the day and take Toby for a walk and give him some companionship? Or,if your budget can stand it, perhaps it makes sense to have a dog-sitter come in daily. I think you should postpone making a decision about re-homing Toby until you know how your husband's situation resolves itself. But you may want to see if there is a bichon rescue group covering your area. These groups do very good work to re-home bichons whose parents can no longer take care of them. Toby sounds like a wonderful pet, and so he will be placed pretty quickly.

Please accept our very best wishes.
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darwinsmom (Chris)
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« Reply #3 on: May 28, 2016, 12:32:11 AM »

First, let may say how very sorry I am for the truly awful position you are in through no fault of your own. Please remember to take care of yourself while you're caring for everyone else. Easy for me to say, I know, but very important.

If the only issue is the seperation anxiety, I'd consider a heart to heart with your vet to discuss medication as a last resort before giving him up. We had to put Darwin on Prozac for anxiety issues and it made a huge difference. If you could then hire someone to walk him if you will be away a long time to tire him out, that could really help. Just an idea.

I do hope things turn out well for all of you.
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Coastal Bichon
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Little Toby


« Reply #4 on: May 28, 2016, 07:41:24 PM »

I watched him sleeping last night and realized there is no way I could hand him over to anyone. I did put a post on Craig's List to find a sitter and even offered to provide transportation, got nothing. I am going to try every avenue I can to work this out, I just have to do whatever it takes.
Thanks for the encouragement.  Elaine
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southjerseycraig
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« Reply #5 on: May 28, 2016, 08:10:24 PM »

Have you considered googling "dog sitters near me" or dropping by a nearby pet shop if you can find the time? Either might result in your finding a good sitter. Or you might try petsitters.org. And I think Chris's suggestion that you consider medication is a good one if Toby's separation anxiety doesn't allow him to be left alone even for a couple of hours.
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pam
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« Reply #6 on: May 29, 2016, 12:19:11 PM »

What an awful situation to find yourself in.  You have had some really good advice and I would support the idea of not doing anything in haste - only thing I can suggest is that your vet or groomer may know of good dog sitter/day care type thing in your area?  Worth trying if you can manage it financially
Pam
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Coastal Bichon
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Little Toby


« Reply #7 on: May 29, 2016, 12:30:54 PM »

To add to the situation. Yesterday I went to visit my husband, 2 hours on the road. I thought I would take Toby and maybe I could work something out getting him used to the car. He vomited 3 times, I felt so guilty that it was my fault for taking him, it was that or leave him alone. My grandson wanted to go with me.  Between a rock and a hard place I think it's called......
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darwinsmom (Chris)
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« Reply #8 on: May 29, 2016, 02:06:47 PM »

One thing I wanted to add is that last summer, my mom faced a similar situation with my dad and her shih tzu became an incredible source of comfort for her. My dad did pass and without her dog, it would have been much harder for her to cope. He was a great distraction. I hope you can get through this situation with your family intact, because I hate to think you would regret it later. I think bichons (especially adult bichons) are more resilient than sometimes portrayed, and he would likely rather have a bit of a bumpy road for awhile than try to adjust to a whole new home and family. I'm sure you'll make the right choice for you, though. No one who isn't walking in your shoes can really know.
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Freedom (Sandie)
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« Reply #9 on: May 29, 2016, 04:57:19 PM »

Talk to the folks at your vet office.  MANY vet techs do dog walking and pet sitting.  And if they aren't available, ask them for suggestions, referrals, then try other vet offices for pet helpers.


Sending prayers your way. 
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Bichons Frise': Tasha, Willy, Riley, Belle, Frankie
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southjerseycraig
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« Reply #10 on: May 30, 2016, 11:00:07 AM »

Is Toby normally car-sick? There are ways of dealing with that, including giving him only a bit of food before the trip. But perhaps the carsickness is a manifestation of general anxiety. So far as Toby's concerned, his favorite human, your husband, has disappeared, and the rest of his pack is distressed. So he is, too. I suggest you try as much as you can to spend more time bonding with him. For instance, you can become his playmate in your husband's absence; you can give him extra petting. As Chris says, that will make you feel better; it may also help make Toby a less traumatized creature.
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Coastal Bichon
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Little Toby


« Reply #11 on: May 30, 2016, 03:18:51 PM »

Toby has vomited several times in the car, he doesn't seem to like it in the car.  I have been playing and holding him a lot. My Husband came home today, he needs more intensive tests, hoping  they can find out what's wrong.  So it's status quo for now. I got some good advice here and I appreciate it.  Elaine
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Freedom (Sandie)
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« Reply #12 on: May 30, 2016, 07:37:45 PM »

For short car rides, half a TUMS tablet keeps the tummy settled.
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Alison
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« Reply #13 on: June 11, 2016, 04:46:02 AM »

Poor you.that's such a lot to cope with.I'm sure Toby will be such a comfort.when your husband comes home or to a nursing home began be much closer so that will be easier.your vet could give you something for carsickness to help for now.
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Terri
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« Reply #14 on: June 11, 2016, 12:50:07 PM »

I sure hope you get this sorted out. I'm so sorry for your dilemma. It's tough.

What I wouldn't give to live close to you. I'd spoil...I mean watch Toby for you. oxo
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